False modesty aside, I have created the greatest game ever. Great way to pass the time in school.
I don’t really feel like explaining the etymology here, so for some info on the origin of the word, please check out the relevant episode of The Show. Or, for non-Facebook people, see it embedded below:
Anyway, this has all inspired the game, which as you can see from the post title, is called Megagaltasm. The object of the game is basically to see how absurdly pretentious and unnecessarily loquacious you can become in an English class without the teacher catching on that something’s up. Here are the rules:
1. The game must be played in an English class, preferably an advanced one if you’re still in high school. In college, any old English class will do.
2. The game can be played with any number of players, but the more, the better. See if you can get the entire class in on it! But be careful, because if the teacher finds out about the game, it’s over.
3. The game lasts until either the teacher discovers its existence or some arbitrarily decided point (usually a major vacation or the end of the semester).
4. Points are only handed out during class discussions.
5. Points can be gathered in the following ways:
- Using unnecessarily large or obscure words
- Using Latin or French sayings, preferably in the original language
- Quoting authors from the Western canon. Extra points for difficult works, obscure authors, or quoting in the original language
- Ending any sentence with either “as it were” or “if you will.”
- Inventing French or Latin sayings that don’t actually exist
- Pretentious quotes from obscure authors or philosophers that don’t actually exist
WARNING: If the teacher catches you doing either of the last two, then whatever value of points you stood to gain will be deducted instead.
NOTE: Stringing together a sentence that clearly makes no logical sense but sounds coherent enough so that the teacher pretends to understand it to avoid appearing ignorant in front of the class will double the point value of that sentence.
6. Words, sayings and quotations will decrease in point value the more frequently they are used in the class.
7. Points will be assigned by the Gameskeeper, who will occasionally call out point values after somebody in the class scores on a particularly noteworthy sentence. Since there are no point values set in stone, the role of a Gameskeeper is highly subjective, although the Gameskeeper is expected to be impartial towards all players.
8. At the end of the game, the Gameskeeper will read off the scores that s/he has presumably been recording over the course of the entire game. The winner gets either a prize or punched in the mouth for being such an insufferable smartass, whichever seems more appropriate at the time.
Remember: anyone who’s in an English class can play, and it’s a fun way to get through a boring period. Hell, playing enough might even boost your grade. So why not try starting a game in your own class?