Archive for January, 2008

The great Twitter experiment of ‘08
January 31, 2008

is over. Turns out I can’t write concisely.*

*Except on this post.

Morning Joe is the best Baltimore crime epic in television history
January 31, 2008

For those who haven’t watched Morning Joe before, it’s this really awesome sitcom that runs on MSNBC in the mornings. It’s actually a little bit like The Larry Sanders Show with its unlikeable but hilarious host/protagonist and convention of getting prominent public figures to come on the show and play themselves getting interviewed by the cast.

The basic premise is that you have this guy named Joe Scarborough who was a three-term Republican representative from Florida and he has this morning talk show now. In the context of the show, he’s a little bit like a Stephen Colbert-type character, but with less of a focus on the right-wing politics and more of a focus on the casual, frat-boy misogyny. Most of the dramatic tension on the show comes from his interactions with co-host Mika Brzezinski, a beautiful woman who tries to play with the big boys and act like a real journalist … even though she has female genitalia! Cable news has never been as zany!

You may remember that last season’s dramatic finale came when Mika got all weird and uptight just because Morning Joe’s lead story that day was about Paris Hilton and how she’s hot but kind of crazy. Joe and his comic sidekick Other Guy tried to get her to loosen up, but they were unsuccessful. Take a look:

Now they’re kicking off the New Year over at Morning Joe with a real howler; Mika tries to ruin everyone’s fun again by getting all “journalistic integrity” on Joe and he responds by threatening to backhand her!

Hahahah! Oh, those guys.

The Iron Law
January 30, 2008

In today’s episode of TPMtv, Josh discusses the likelihood that a whole bunch of influential Republicans are going to start coming out of the woodwork and doing everything they possibly can to destroy McCain’s candidacy. Which his pretty funny, considering that by doing so they’re basically sabotaging their party’s shot at the general election.

Take a look:

All of that being said, I wish them the best of luck in their endeavors. Don’t give up hope, guys!

More on Florida
January 30, 2008

You may have heard that since the Democratic Party saw fit to punish Florida by stripping it of all of its delegates (I’m not going to go into the specifics of why, except to say that it’s Florida and that might very well be reason enough), Hillary Clinton’s decisive win yesterday only netted her magical, invisible, purely hypothetical delegates. Since Obama’s campaign is run largely on a platform of pixie dust and hope for everyone, this virtually guarantees that the Mushroom Kingdom is going to dominate the convention.

“Damn your cynicism!” Clinton fans might cry. “What of the press from her Florida win? Surely this just gives her more momentum going into Super Tuesday. You see? These things do matter.”

Alright, fair enough. So, via Eric Kleefeld, let’s see what momentum looks like:

Clinton 42% (-2)
Obama 36% (+3)
Edwards 12% (-2)

Woosh. Did you feel that gust of wind? That was Clinton racing by, building up more speed from all that momentum.

Fun Facebook Games
January 30, 2008

No, I don’t want to play Zombie Pirates versus Vampire Ninjas or whatever. And no, I don’t care which one of us is hotter. In fact, this game doesn’t require any of the annoying apps that people keep trying to sign you up for.

Alright, imagine this: you’re a freshman at a large university. The summer before you go to school, a bunch of people typically throw around random friend requests to people in their networks who seem cool from their profiles so that they don’t walk into Welcome Week completely alone. So if you accept every friend request you get before move-in day, you might very well have 100+ friend requests from people you’re never going to meet in person, let alone befriend.

Now granted, you have your doubts about this guy. Favorite music? “black eyed peas, justin timberlake.” Favorite movies? “transformers, da vinci code.” Favorite books? “lol.” But hey, maybe he’s a nice guy, and you’d feel like a dick for rejecting the random friend request when everyone’s trying to reach out to everyone else out of pre-freshman year anxiety. So you accept the friend request.

Not too long before welcome week, you get an invite from this guy. There’s a party! At a club! It’s going to be awesome! You appreciate the gesture, since this guy’s just trying to be friendly, but you can’t make it and clubs aren’t your thing anyway.

Undeterred, you get another one a couple weeks later. This one’s at a different club! Public drunkenness and loud noises are SO AWESOME. You reject that invite too.

Your suspicions start to mount as more and more of these invites stack up in your inbox. What’s up with this guy? I’ll tell you what’s up: you’re Facebook friends with a club promoter, and no matter how many invites you reject he’s going to keep sending them to you. Forever.

So what do you do? Unfriend him? Hell no! It’s time to have a little fun, and play some Invite Chicken.

The rules are simple: You start inviting him to stuff too. Anything and everything. Campaign rallies. Religious services. Family reunions. Birthday parties. School plays. Every invite you can get your hands on, you send it to this guy. First one to end the fake friendship loses the game of chicken.

I know what you’re thinking: Uh-oh. What if he actually does show up to my little sister’s birthday party? Well not to fear! If someone with a popped collar and a case of Captain Morgan shows up at your front door one day, all you need to do to lure him back out is to place some speakers playing shitty ’90s techno down the street.

Have fun, everyone! Stay tuned for next week’s episode of Fun Facebook Games, where we discuss awkward, flirtatious poke wars!

Belated Florida blogging
January 30, 2008

Yeah, no liveblogging of the debate last night. After I saw that McCain was going to seal this one up, Peter and I got caught up in writing our upcoming article for Cracked.com, and I drowned my sorrows in dick jokes, arguments over whether or not a phrase is hyphenated and agonizing over where to put our tasteless jokes about the death of Julius Caesar (too soon?).

I will say this, though: Every time we as a country give Florida any kind of electoral responsibility, they screw us. Seriously, think about it. 2000, and now this. McCain is now the inevitable GOP nominee, and unlike every single other inevitable nominee, he might actually be able to maintain that inevitability all the way to the nomination. And that’s going to make things rough in the general for Clinton or Obama (but let’s be honest with ourselves here, probably Clinton).

The other sad news today is who’s dropping out. Giuliani’s now gone, and endorsing McCain (which, by the transitive property, I guess means that Pat Robertson is also endorsing McCain). And now Edwards is out as well, even though he won as many delegates in Florida as Clinton and Obama combined.

I’ll miss Giuliani because he was almost as funny as Romney. But Edwards actually had a positive impact on the rise that has nothing to do with hilarity, and he’ll be missed.

Dun dun DUNNNNNNNNNNNNN
January 30, 2008

Since we’re going all out with the Internet memes today, remember this? That’s the dramatic chipmunk – which is actually a prairie dog – giving you the crazy eyes. Watch it a few times. And then watch this, courtesy of the inestimable Ben Craw:

A few things worth noting:

  1. Every single time Giuliani gets asked about what happens after his inevitable crushing defeat in Florida, he gets CRAZY EYES.
  2. Everywhere he would normally throw in a reference to 9/11, Giuliani has instead decided to repeat that he’s focused on victory. So in other words, that phrase shows up a lot.
  3. Being focused on victory apparently means you’re not allowed to ever think about any other possibility besides victory.
  4. A lot of the hosts here look like they’re trying to explain to an 8 year-old boy that his dog isn’t going to come back from the dead. They’ve got that same guilty look of someone reluctantly being forced to crush hopes and dreams. Maybe that’s why they tend to back down when Giuliani starts babbling about victory for the umpteenth time. Or maybe they’re freaked out by his CRAZY EYES.

Happy V-Day, Rudy!

You won’t have old Rudy to push around any more
January 29, 2008

Witness the last gasp of Rudy Giuliani’s campaign: an ad that proudly proclaims that nobody is endorsing him.

“In fact,” the announcer says, “he’s not endorsed by any of the liberal newspapers.”

What a coincidence! I’m not either.

LOLMCCAIN
January 29, 2008

This is so strangely hypnotic that I just couldn’t help myself. I needed to have some fun with it, and given that I had some free time and I’m intellectually lazy enough to hop on the LOLCAT bandwagon, that ended up taking the form of this.

My apologies.

NOW NY: Endorsing anyone who isn’t Hillary Clinton is metaphorical gang rape
January 29, 2008

For anyone keeping score, this is the right way to respond when an ally of yours snubs you and endorses someone else:

Our country and our Party are stronger because of John’s service, and I respect his decision.

The wrong way most likely involves calling the endorser a raging misogynist and then going after people who have absolutely nothing to do with the endorsement.

He’s picked the new guy over us. He’s joined the list of progressive white men who can’t or won’t handle the prospect of a woman president who is Hillary Clinton (they will of course say they support a woman president, just not “this” one). ‘They’ are Howard Dean and Jim Dean (Yup! That’s Howard’s brother) who run DFA (that’s the group and list from the Dean campaign that we women helped start and grow). They are Alternet, Progressive Democrats of America, democrats.com, Kucinich lovers and all the other groups that take women’s money, say they’ll do feminist and women’s rights issues one of these days, and conveniently forget to mention women and children when they talk about poverty or human needs or America’s future or whatever.

Damn you, Kucinich lovers! They’re just a bunch of old-fashioned, sexist Washington insiders.

It gets a lot better, though. Apparently, as someone who will not be voting for Clinton in the NY primary, I’m objectively pro-rape.

Then there was that movie where Jodie Foster portrayed the true story of woman who was ganged raped in a bar while others looked on and encouraged the realization. Still others pretended the rape didn’t happen. In short, gang raping of women is commonplace in our culture both physically and metaphorically.

This past week, we witnessed just such a phenomenon involving men who are afraid of a powerful woman. Hillary Clinton, in her quest for her Presidential nomination, has in fact endured infantile taunting and wildly inappropriate commentary. Indeed we have witnessed almost comical attacks by John Edwards who in turn sided with Barak Obama as both snickered at Clinton’s “breakdown,” which consisted of a very short dewy-eyed moment. Now John Kerry, who should certainly know better after his own “swiftboating,” has joined the playground gang.

I’m so confused right now. Nobody, not even Christ Matthews, is denying that Clinton’s been getting more than her share of sexist remarks from punditry, but what the hell did John Kerry do? If he’s said anything sexist about Clinton, it must have been couched in so many Kerryisms that I passed out before he got to the sexual harassment part.

Here’s the problem with the internal logic of this response: If endorsing anyone besides Clinton makes you a sexist because she’s a woman, then one could just as persuasively argue that endorsing anyone besides Obama makes you a racist. Therefore, NOW is a racist organization. Checkmate.

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