THERE ARE NO WORDS THERE!!!!11!ONE4!!!

So apparently, Bill O’Reilly thinks that being an embedded journa… well, being an embedded member of the media, is basically the same thing as being a soldier.

O’Reilly: But I tell you what, I’ve been in combat. I’ve seen it. I’ve been close to it. And if my unit is in danger and I got a captured guy and the guy knows where the enemy is and I’m looking him in the eye, the guy better tell me. That’s all I’m gonna tell you. If it’s life or death, he’s going first. Roger, Portland, Oregon. What say you, Roger?

Roger: Yeah, hey, Bill. Bill, first things first. Ummmm, you just said that you’ve been in combat, but you’ve never been in the military, have you?

O’Reilly: No I have not.

Roger: Then why did you say you’ve been in combat?

O’Reilly: Why do I say that, Roger? Because I was in the middle of a couple of firefights in South and Central America.

Roger: But you’re a media guy.

O’Reilly: Yeah, a media guy with a pen, not a gun. And people were shooting at me, Roger.

Roger: Because people might think that you actually were in the military.

O’Reilly: Ahhhhh. We don’t want to mislead anybody, but I’ve made it quite clear in many, many circumstances …

Roger: No, we don’t want to do that, Bill, because we know how fair and balanced we are …

O’Reilly: Yeah, hey, listen, Roger, you know what? You can take your little “fair and balanced” uhhhh snip remark and shove it. Okay? You’re not getting on this air. And you, Mr. Macho Man, would have never come close to anything that I’ve done down where I’ve been. Okay? So take a walk and … well, ’nuff said.

You tell him, Bill! That Roger guy must be a total pussy. I’ll bet he was sitting on his ass smoking dope with his long haired friends while O’Reilly was out in the field battling Commies. Hell, even in the studio, O’Reilly’s under constant assault; from the feminazis, those white supremacists over at Daily Kos and teleprompters that don’t work and pushing him to DO IT LIVE WE’RE DOING IT LIVE FUCKING THING SUCKS RAAAAAAAAAARGH.

Thank you for your courage in the face of adversity, Mr. O’Reilly. And for apparently starting to strip at the end of that clip. Y’know, a little something for the ladies.

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