Mitt Romney makes my favorite campaign ads out of either party. They’re weirdly lifeless and unintentionally hilarious on a level that Mike Gravel can only dream of. In a way, they’re so artificial and inherently dishonest, that there’s almost a weird sort of honesty about them. Like, “This is who I am; a vapid, malevolent android who long ago cashed in any principles I once had to produce the funding to bring you this campaign message.” Most of the time they don’t even have issues in them – whereas other candidates at least try to appeal to their base by saying they support various pet issues, Mitt Romney just says words that sound nice. He guys, he likes life! And conservatives! That’s us!
Take a look at this newest campaign offering:
Now I didn’t catch the whole ad because somewhere ten seconds in my brain regressed to that of a toddler, but the first ten seconds are all that really interest me about this ad anyway. The first thing you’ll notice is that the ad probably reminds you of the movie Beowulf, in which an animation team armed with expensive computers tried, and failed, to replicate real human facial expressions and movements, plunging us deep into uncanny valley territory. The other thing you’ll notice is that people keep telling Mitt Romney about all these problems that are too big for Washington politicians.
That’s kind of a weird thing to complain about to a presidential candidate, isn’t it? Who else, besides Washington politicians, is constitutionally empowered to pass legislation on immigration? Do these people (whoever they are) really believe that Washington politicians are powerless to do anything to grow our economy? If you look closely enough at this ad, it sounds an awful lot like an argument for anarchy.
Or maybe I’m reading waaaaaay too much into this. After all, Romney wants to defend life with us! Together! Yay!