Seven quick and easy steps to securing your party’s nomination

Step 1: I AM TEH INEVITABLORZ

Step 2: Lose a bunch of primaries. Not just a couple. A bunch.

Step 3: It’s okay, ’cause only Ohio and Texas count!

Step 4: Uh-oh.

Step 5: Texas doesn’t count anymore.

Step 6: ???

Step 7: Profit!