McCain’s extremely low high point

I feel a little guilty doing the whole “look at what shitty thing a prominent columnist wrote” thing at Netroots Nation when I could be going around doing cool stuff, but then again I also feel the compulsion to have new stuff up here if I bump into, like, Kos or someone and give him a link to the blog. And besides, David Brooks wraps up his usual shtick in today’s column by saying something that’s just plain bizarre.

John McCain’s challenge is to recreate this model. He will never get as many cheers in Germany as Barack Obama, but for a century his family has embodied American heroism. He will never seem as young and forward-leaning as his opponent, but he did have his values formed in an age that people now look back to with respect.

The high point of his campaign, so far, has been his energy policy, which is comprehensive and bold, but does not try to turn us into a nation of bicyclists. It does not view America’s energy-intense economy as a sign of sinfulness.

This is half-correct, I guess. As far as I know John McCain does not want to turn America into a nation of bicyclists, which is good, because any good conservative will tell you that bicyclists are total nerds with the little helmets and everything.

But as for McCain’s comprehensive and bold energy policy … what? As far as I can tell, here are the two major planks of that bold policy of comprehension:

Plank the first: “I support mandatory cap and trade because it sounds like a thing smart people would support except when I don’t support it because the word ‘mandatory’ sounds kind of Socialist-y, but then I do support again because let’s face it, I have no idea what the hell it means and I’m just making this shit up as I go.”

Plank the second: “I know that a gas tax holiday is terrible policy and wouldn’t actually do anything beneficial, but I’m hoping it will have the positive psychological effect of making everyone shut the fuck up about gas prices for a little while and go back to talking about how I’m going to personally hunt down all the terrorists armed only with a bottle of Jack and a Bowie knife.”

Maybe there’s a third plank where he’s hiding the actual, uh, policy?

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