An American Carol

Is Bill O’Reilly’s life really so small and miserable that his only happiness comes from stamping out the mirth of others? That’s the only explanation I can think of as to why he would participate in this horrible act of violence against laughter. Here’s the trailer:

Okay, so this movie is ideologically reprehensible (it straight-facedly blames liberals for 9/11). But that’s only one of many reasons to hate this movie. To explain just how awful it is, even when you ignore the fact that it exists simply to reaffirm the twisted worldview of deeply ill people like O’Reilly, let’s take a look at it’s fictional liberal counterpart: A Progressive Carol. In that movie, conservative pundit Will O’Smiley (get it?!) is visited by the ghosts of I.F. Stone, John Lennon and FDR, who teach him the true meaning of Earth Day.

Hey, whaddya know? That movie is terrible too. And not just normal terrible – it’s a veritable shitstain on the pants of modern cinema. But why?

Because it’s not good satire. Good satire assumes at least some level of intelligence on the part of the viewer, while movies like this wave around giant placards that say, “HERE IS THE LESSON.” It treats moviegoers like brain-damaged children who need to be indoctrinated, instead of responsible adults who can draw their own conclusions. And it’s not funny, either.

Watch the trailer again. I know, it hurts, but do it anyway. Do it for the kids.

Notice anything on the second way through? 95% of the alleged funny in that trailer comes from Chris Farley’s brother accidentally hitting people, fat jokes, or other sad, tired gags that were the filler in between the actual jokes in movies like the far superior Airplane. It’s like instead of writing a script, this film’s creators crossbred an RNC press release with a whoopie cushion in a lab. This is the most mirthless exercise in anti-comedy since Larry the Cable Guy’s colon expelled his last motion picture.

Look, if a bunch of conservatives want to get together and make a conservative comedy that’s actually funny, then god bless. I’ll go watch it, and probably enjoy it. But you can just add this film to the long list of conservatism’s horrible inbred freak children like The Half Hour News Hour and the career of Dennis Miller.

UPDATE: Just after posting this, I realized I was being horribly unfair to O’Reilly. He has, after all, appeared in at least one comedy masterpiece.

No word on whether or not when he made his cameo in An American Carol he DID IT LIVE FUCK IT AAAAARGH FUCKING THING SUCKS.

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